Leading Through Conflict
Conflict in ministry is like that one persistent squeaky door in the church, everyone notices it, nobody wants to deal with it, and ignoring it only makes it worse. Whether it’s a disagreement over vision, budgets, or the color of the sanctuary carpet, conflict has a way of sneaking into the most unexpected places. But here’s the truth: when handled well, conflict doesn’t have to divide, it can actually deepen relationships, build trust, and add to your leadership credibility.
I remember several years ago sitting in a tense meeting where two leaders were locked in a disagreement over a ministry’s direction. Tensions were high and frustration was mounting. As their leader, I felt caught in the middle, wondering how to get them on the same page. Anyone else ever been there?
Moments like these remind us of the reality that conflict can’t be avoided, but it can be handled in ways that reflect Christ. Here are some thoughts below on how to lead through conflict with grace and clarity, while staying rooted in biblical wisdom.
Faith at the Center
James 1:19 offers a powerful framework for handling conflict: “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
Conflict often tempts us to react defensively or emotionally, but Scripture calls us to a different standard. As leaders, we’re invited to reflect Jesus’ humility and love, even when tensions rise.
When facing conflict, here’s a better way:
Listen First: Give others the chance to express their perspective fully.
Seek Peace over Winning: Prioritize the relationship and unity over “being right.”
Trust God’s Timing: Sometimes, resolving conflict takes patience and ongoing prayer and discussion.
Practical Wisdom for Leaders
Common Sources of Conflict:
1. Vision Misalignment: Differing opinions and preferences on where the church or ministry should go.
2. Resource Allocation: Disputes over ministry priorities or budget.
3. Relational Tensions: Misunderstandings or personality clashes among team members.
4. Theological Differences: Conflicting interpretations of Scripture or doctrine.
5. Resistance to Change: Fear or frustration about new initiatives.
Strategies for Navigating Conflict:
1. Seek Understanding First: Ask open-ended questions to uncover the root of the issue. (Example: “Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a little frustrated in our recent meetings. Is there something on your mind or something I’m missing?”)
2. Pray Before Responding: Invite God into the process to guide your words and actions.
3. Address the Issue Privately and Directly: As Jesus instructs in Matthew 18:15, approach the person one-on-one before involving others.
4. Keep the Mission Central: Remind all involved of the shared purpose: advancing the Gospel.
5. Involve Mediators When Necessary: Trusted leaders can help guide unresolved conflicts toward reconciliation.
Walking it Out
The “3 Cs” Framework for Tough Conversations:
1. Clarity: Clearly articulate the issue without assumptions or accusations.
Example: “I noticed there was tension in the last meeting regarding [specific issue]. Can we talk about it?”
2. Compassion: Show empathy by affirming the other person’s value.
Example: “I value your perspective and appreciate your heart for this ministry.”
3. Commitment: Work toward a mutually agreeable resolution.
Example: “How can we work together to find a solution that honors God and our team?”
Practical Tips:
• Start with prayer to invite God’s peace and love into the conversation.
• Use “I” statements to express how you feel without casting “You” blame statements.
• Focus on solutions rather than dwelling on problems.
• After a difficult conversation reach out personally to check on all those involved.
From My Journey
In another instance, I faced a conflict between two ministry leaders who couldn’t see eye to eye on how to allocate funds for their respective areas. As lead, it was tempting to make a quick decision to end the debate, but I realized that wouldn’t address the underlying issue.
Instead, I brought both leaders together to share their perspectives. I tried to listen without interrupting and encouraged them to see the bigger picture of how their ministries supported the church’s overall mission. Through open dialogue and prayer, we found a compromise that honored both their concerns and the church’s vision.
This experience taught me the value of patient listening and keeping Jesus at the center of every conflict.
What’s Your Next Step?
Just like firefighters run toward the fire while others flee, ministry leaders must run toward difficult conversations for the good of the Church. What’s one unresolved conflict in your ministry that you need to address this week? How will you apply biblical principles to navigate it?
Your Turn!
I’d love to hear your thoughts! What has helped you lead through conflict in ministry? Respond by leaving a comment below to join the conversation.